Sunday, October 31, 2010
my 999th post! its been quite a while huh? hahaha..
half of it is probably rubbish, emo, random rants thats not even worth reading. and the other half may be random recounts of every day, emo too maybe. maybe not.
i don't even know why i still blog. its just comforting some times, as if some one is there to listen to me. hahahahaha..
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so, what is dance to you?
it don't have to be a fancy answer.
you don't even need to give anyone any answer.
but think about it, when you're tired and you don't feel like moving anymore. if your body is tired, you might stop dancing for a day, but if the heart don't know dance anymore, maybe you won't even want to dance anymore.
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gahhh been feeling rather restless lately. partly due to the messed up "inner clock". i'm sleeping at hours when every one's up and awake and about busy with life.
i feel like i'm wasting my life away. i need to do something.
i need to do something productive; creative maybe (even).
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dance is also a movement of the mind.
my body speaks for me when i dance.
(not choreography; just dance)
not a speech - well planned and articulated; just conversation.
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so when will i speak with you (myself)?
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time and empty space. i wish i wish i wish..
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can't wait for oschool recital. can't wait to dance with all my cute and funny new found friends (except amy, i knew her since the last time =P) i'm pretty excited, three weeks' time!
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i feel like eating alot of things. battered fish and chips and dim sum top the list for now! well, it might change 5 mins later so.. just let me imagine it for a while =P
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yes yes i'm blogging random again i know. i can't think straight. i'm suddenly very sleepy, and its the middle of the day now =(
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i love you baby =) i'm sorry for being a mongster some times =P hehehehehe.. "you tolerate me, you really really tolerate me!" =D
i know you love me, i love you too capy-hero!
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random: slurppy!!! (however you spell it)
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puii- english. chinese. dance.
6:37 AM
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
i'm up early and i'm so hungry now!! =P hahahaha like what's new =P i feel like eating nice eggs and sausages for breakfast, and complete the meal with english breakfast tea~ =D OMG SO HUNGRYYYYYY!!!
Love my life now, dancing and loving =) BUT all that dancing these couple weeks make my neck damn tight now. Hahahhaha.. PLUS yesterday when i ask my fernvale princesses and soldiers to do head rotations, i must have overdone it myself =P Hehehehe~
Noooooooooo.. No thick neck for me please!! =( Hahahhhahaha..
I'm feeling very comfortable with casual dancing now.. no goals, no objectives, no requirements, no examinations, no criticisms.. Yes sound a little complacent and lazy but i like to dance like nobody's watching =) i don't care if everyone thinks i'm lousy.
happy dancing blindly~~~ no more nagging voices telling me to do more turn out and higher developpe and deeper plie!
okay, at least for a while =)
i miss albert's class so terribly! but i can't make myself wake up early to go lasalle for class =P heheheehehehe..
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THANK YOU AARON LIM DARLING BABY, SWEET LOVE, HANDSOME BOYFWEN, DEAREST SILLY DUMBDUMB, MY CUTIE SWEETIE PIE FOR THE CAPY-SLIPPERS SURPRISE!!!!! =D
its so cute i'm gonna DIE =D
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and yes i'm gonna die now too cos i'm so so so so hungryyyyyyyyyy =(
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can't wait till recital!! so exciting to see everyone working hard hard hard to put up a good show. love my recital mates! love dancing and rehearsing and spending time with you guys! =D Yay!!!
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puii- you can't take away my joy; i won't let you ;)
10:32 AM
please... let this happy feeling stay a little longer..
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there's always that special something about dance that's so profound, i guess you have to experience to know.
today i danced, and i felt like my heart was crying out, so much so i almost became dramatic and start crying. i'm serious! i had tears in my eyes.. hahaha so silly..
but only dance can bring me to this place, and i'm grateful to be able to come here again. its at a point where technique, skills, performance, people, elegance and everything else don't matter anymore, don't have to be perfect, don't have to impress anyone, don't have to "look good"..
just you, your body and your heart having a conversation with yourself.
oh man... empty studio, dim lights and emo music please =)
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puii- i'm in here.
3:15 AM
Monday, October 25, 2010
finally...
i finally did it and i'm so proud and happy =) its been there like homework you know you need to do but cannot find the courage or reason to do..
and i hope with it goes the tiny little pricks, one by one, all away away.. =D
if only memories and feelings were made of paper, if only things in the mind could be like material things, put aside, forgotten.
if only time and love could wash away everything.
if only we all were never hurt before.
today i let down one big rock, one that's been there blocking me, crushing me, hurting me. One i know i'd love to throw away, but didn't have the courage to. maybe you'll think i'm stupid, holding onto something like that, but aren't we all so silly, holding closest to our hearts the knifes and daggers that were thrown at us each and everyday, letting it cut us down into piece?
today i let that big rock go. i'm very proud of myself. nobody can take that away from me. you might say i'm childish, but childish works and i'm happier already.. YAY! =)
I hope this happy feeling stays a little, and refreshes me a little. Months and months of carrying stones made me very tired. I feel like i can finally take a short breather, before i continue to walk, and continue to cast away swords and daggers. lets hope i come out the other side good and whole again.
i want to grow again. grow to maturity. grow to love more. grow to understand. grow to perfection.
and there's a ton of things i miss in life. i'm sorry, let me be for a while more. i'm not ready for everything just yet. i'm hoping in time i will, so give me time.
tonight i feel the joy of a small victory, over what i don't know. maybe that part of me that i really hate. that evil, hateful, unforgiving and angry side of me. maybe i won a little battle over it today.
i love this feeling... of freedom? of achievement? i don't know, but its liberating, and i love it..
maybe finally i can walk out of your haunting shadows and into a bright warm place full of love and sweet things. maybe i can finally breathe in all the good things in life again.
and maybe i can finally learn to love again...
puii- goodbye.
4:33 AM
Sunday, October 24, 2010
tears of love, again and again...
i can fly, but i want his wings.
i can shine, even in the darkness. but i crave the light that he brings.
i can love, but i need his heart.
i am strong, even on my own. but from him i never want to part.
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i hate it when i become overly emotional about everything, and make the good thing seem bad, and the bad thing seem like its the end of the world. i hate overreacting to every last small detail, i hate turning into a monster.
maybe i am a monster.
i hope these moodswings will swing by real fast.
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and i'm missing my cute dumbdumb now.. many many many many! i love you =)
sometimes my love and concern make me anxious, and i'm sorry..
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its way overdue, but i love my birthday trip to the USS with love =D it was a fun and happy place, and i love the madagascar penguins, and all our "penguin spoils" =D
i especially love my penguin watch =D
thanks baby, for the surprise!!! and of course, the lovely present that i lovelovelove =) more please! hehehehe!! =D
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i'm so hungry, i havent eaten whole day, partly cos i slept half of it away, but i'm really REALYY hungry now. rehearsal in an hour plus time. i hope i eat.
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One day I met a precious soul
Whose words had touched my heart
His poetry resounded so
It tore my soul apart
But when I tried my thoughts to speak
Emotion made my mind so weak
And time stood still for years and years
I bathed him in my tears
I cried, I cried
Tears of joy tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love again and again
Some people turn to pills and things
To help them through the day
To take them up or down or just
To ease the blues away
But me I really want to feel
The ups and downs of life so real
Happy or sad emotions reign
My tears flow just the same
I cried, I cried
Tears of joy tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love again and again
Gonna burn so completely I leave no trace
Though so many out there would laugh in my face
For wearing emotion so close to the skin
Condemn me they might if to love's such a sin
I cried, I cried
Tears of joy tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love again and again
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puii- can't wait to dance again, and again =)
4:43 PM
Friday, October 08, 2010
Happiest Day of the Year!
i'm blessed with a very still and quiet feeling of happiness deep in my heart today on my 21st birthday.
Can't ask for more =D
Had a nice day out with the family. So proud and happy for the pig, cos she finally graduated and YAY! No more essays to write! =D Hahahahahahaha.. Took many many pictures! But its either with her, or with me, but i'm lazy to load all the photos into the com. Hahahahaha..
Thanks for everyone's wishes!!! Feel so blessed to have people remember, even if its by facebook reminder! =D
Hahahahah no i'm really truly thankful and happy =D I just wish this happy feeling could last a little longer, till the next 'happiest day of the year' =D
The pig got me a nice big helium balloon!!!! =D SHO NICE! and a bunch of flowers too! =D Hee so sweet!! At home they all wrote messages on the balloon =D i love it so much!! =D
Dinner at Crystal Jade! ^^
And i love the tri-lingual birthday songs we sang! =D and the twenty one candles all around my doraemon cake =D and the 2.1 metres candle blowing ceremony =P Hahahahahahaha..
and i love mummy's agar agar red eggs =D
I'm a happy happy girl. A happy, simple, happy birthday =D Cannot ask for more =) thank you everyone..
and thank you baby =) i can't thank you enough for everything =) thank you for loving me =)
puii- overwhelmed by thankfulness and happiness. hope i can hold on to this for a little longer =D
2:12 AM